Taking my children out of the house is never dull; arduous, frustrating, interesting, and sometimes hilarious, but never dull.
And, of course, it just wouldn’t be a proper outing without our very own internet celebrity, Bear, keeping up with his usual shenanigans. Thankfully, there were no eggs involved this time.
First, Bear waved and said “Hi, dad!” to a young Wal-Mart associate, and the dude straight had to eyeball me for second just to make sure we hadn’t “crossed paths” at one point.
As we were waiting to checkout, he decided to let out a high-pitched ululation as a call to people. You know, one of those screeches that could make a banshee blush, and every person over 12 glare at you. From a few lanes down, you hear another child respond.
He then proceeded to stare awkwardly at the little girl—who responded in kind to his howls—after she ended up in the lane beside us. I’m not sure if he’s attempting to amass a cult following, or if this was a mating call. But since he takes so much after his father, I wouldn’t doubt if this was some kind of mating ritual. That’s just how they work: they do something drastic to get your attention, then stare at you until you fall in love with them.
But, hey, it obviously worked once, right?!
The cherry to top off this moderately eventful shopping trip was when the woman behind us turned to Bear—after he smacked her in the head with his balloon-on-a-stick—and said, “Oh, he looks like he should be on television!” I told her that he’s been on the Ellen Show and on a show called “Right This Minute” which airs on ABC, and I wish, I wish I could have captured the look on her face when I told her HOW he ended up on those shows.
While most kids end up on television because they have otherworldly voices, impeccable musical skills, or have IQ’s higher than my blood pressure, my kid ended up on national television because, well… he was acting like a typical 2-year-old. His superpowers include fist bumping, ululating, sleeping in odd places, destroying feather pillows, maneuvering out of his clothes in a way that would shame Houdini, racking up medical bills, and making me question my abilities as a parent.