About T.O.M.B.

In a nutshell, blogging is just one of the many methods I use to keep from losing my s*** on a regular basis. I tend to be an eclectic blogger, just as I’m an eclectic person in general.

If I had to describe my parenting style, it would be: Molly Weasley.

We are Catholic, and on a scale from “fire-and-brimstone” to “fluffy Jesus”, we’re somewhere in the middle.

In the style of gaming, I will now introduce you to my crazy little family:


The Mom:

Name(s): Kristy, Mom, Mommy, “Hey”, “Get me more chocolate milk”

Age: 26

Hair: Short, brunette, and usually completely haphazard

Eyes: Yes, I have two. They are hazel.

Body Type: Usually achy. Short and plump.

Occupation: Bard, Cook, Slayer of Spiders, Master of Laundry

Intelligence: Moderate

Agility: LOL – None

Stamina: It comes and goes

Strength: Can carry 10 bags of groceries in at once.

Charisma: I can’t even talk my way out of giving the toddler a cookie

Multi-tasking level: Boss

Alignment: Chaotic Good

The Dad:

Name(s): Matthew, Dad, Daddy, “Don’t call me Matt”

Age: Actual: 26; Feels: 85,165

Hair: Short, dark brown, curly (often mistaken for Jewish)

Eyes: Hazel, and normally very blurry.

Body type: Pale and skinny

Occupation: Breadwinner, the better cook, Champion of Monsters Under the Bed, Architect of Awesome Blanket Forts

Intelligence: Smart-a**

Agility: Fair

Stamina: Also, fair

Strength: Can carry a toddler, a 6yo, and a car seat at the same time.

Charisma: Can make friends with trees.

Multi-tasking level: Needs Improvement

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

Child 1:

Name(s): Aidan, son, “dude, seriously?!”, “Hey-den”

Age: 8, acts 28

Hair: Short, light brown, and ridiculously perfect

Eyes: May only have one by age 10; hazel

Body type: Tall, skinny, and can eat like a cow

Occupation: Student, Protector of Siblings, Future Zombie-Slayer

Intelligence: Too smart for his own good

Agility: Nimble as a wood elf

Stamina: Infinite

Strength: Moderate

Charisma: Adorably awkward

Multi-tasking level: Novice

Alignment: Lawful Good

Child 2:

Name(s): Isaak, “Weiner”, “Stop hitting your brother!”

Age: 6, thinks he’s a grown man

Hair: Short, brown, and fluffy

Eyes: Hazel, burning with the souls of his enemies

Body Type: Short, stocky, and solid

Occupation: Student, Tormentor of Siblings, Plague of Tortilla Chips

Intelligence: Smart-a**

Agility: Has the agility of a dwarf– like his mother

Stamina: Endless

Strength: Surprisingly strong for such a small thing

Charisma: Will punch you in the face if you look at him wrong

Multi-Tasking Level: Novice

Alignment:  Chaotic Neutral

Child 3:

Name(s): Gayle, “She’s messing with me!”, “Chocolate Milk”

Age: 4, acts 14

Hair: Shoulder-length, dark brown, looks like a bird’s nest

Eyes: Hazel, bright, and seemingly omniscient

Body Type: Short, fluffy baby fat

Occupation: Drinker of Chocolate Milk, Tamer of Babies, YouTube fanatic

Intelligence: Smart stuff

Agility: Surprisingly nimble

Stamina: Unfathomable

Strength: Deceptively strong

Charisma: Will only be your friend if you offer cookies

Multi-tasking level: Wut is multi-tasking?

Alignment: Lawful Evil

Child 4:

Name(s): Bella, “That’s enough”, “Mom’s niece”

Age: Soon to be 2

Hair: Short, black, and curly

Eyes: Round, dark, and enchanting

Body Type: Small, petite, “Are you feeding her enough?!”

Occupation: Buster of Eardrums, Mother Goose, Taker of No Crap

Intelligence: Bright

Agility: Clumsy like her aunt

Stamina: Energizer bunny

Strength: Is strong when you have a toy she wants

Charisma: I have to swat people away from her in public

Multi-tasking Level:

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Child 5:

Name(s): Bear, “young man”, “Mom, there’s something in his mouth!”

Age: 1

Hair: short, brown, like downy hair

Eyes: Gray, huge, “omg he has such pretty eyes!”

Body Type: Disproportionate, fluffy, round, solid

Occupation: Destroyer of Dinner, Consumer of Non-Edible Foods, Future Boxer

Intelligence: Growing at an alarming rate

Agility: Unstable

Stamina: Infinite

Strength: Stronger than he looks

Charisma: Once, he almost got a cashier’s number

Multi-tasking level: Can poop and eat at the same time

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

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